My mum and other relatives were a delight to care for - even towards the end - I'd work then go in with about 6 important things to do - but because of the pace being so slow I might only get 3 done. Yet I'd made them laugh and later at least smile several times - which seemed far more important.
My dad was always manipulative and controlling. So when mum died my sister promised I wouldn't have to deal with his care alone. However her family and own health issues mean I am. This is despite having medical problems myself. I do find him that much more demanding and stressful. I've even ended up caring 24/7 with no help/ breaks despite all the lip service of support and help one gets offered nowadays - there is no care in the community only an interest in what money they can make out of people.
He has a variety of conditions including 20 years of cancer plus dementia is starting. I treat him the way I'd like someone to treat me with those conditions - and go outside for a smoke or chat to the neighbours cat when things get hard! Washing is another fun time with incontinence but at least I can "attack" the washing since it can't say ouch or make unpleasant comments. I take my time hanging it out or getting it in since this too gives me "alone time".
Ive recently looked at care homes but had it brought home to me just how much more different the service promoted and the actual care received are ( a situation arose that gave me a reminder/ insight) . I was aware from previous relatives how true that was and can't believe I nearly listened to al the advice about it would be better. I am finding it hard to negate those to salve my conscience into "it would be better for him and I if he went into one" so I guess I shall continue to do for others as I would like if I were in their circumstances..
You might be wondering if I'm that "saintly" why I'm writing in the am I a bad daughter column! I do feel resentment, anger etc and whilst I hope I would never treat folk the way my parent can. I can chose to forgive, I can't forget, and I shall continue to treat anyone the way I'd like to be treated in their shoes - even if I wouldn't act as they do - I hope!
Just be kind to yourself, enjoy some time doing something you like, take a deep breath and do something for them - go round and clean the patio or Vax wash the carpet if they have accidents. Do it on your terms with a smile - you'll feel better. Best of luck to all.
Old people tend to have allergy from various types of food, make sure you're safe before ordering meal delivery. There are is list of causes and treatment here http://www.fighthecauseofallergy.org my husband had an asthma attack, turned out it was brandy allergy that we ordered online.
My mother in law is staying with me at moment. She is showing signs of dementia but will not go to a doctor or let one see her at home. Is there anything I can do?
Also she will not dress herself or wash, she uses towels to wipe her bottom even when toilet paper is next to toilet, is this common with dementia?