Age Space Caregiver Forum
Elerly mother neglecting herself and refusing support
My mother lives along in a flat and neglects herself – home dirty, no personal hygiene, dehydrated, eats moldy food as doesn’t want to waste it. She has lost a lot of weight, retches, has had a couple of falls and hurt herself with boiling water when trying to fill a hot water bottle. Is soon having medical tests as doctor did an ECG and discovered she must have had a heart attack (but she denies this). I live the other side of the world and my two siblings who live close to her cannot cope – they have their own other significant challenges to deal with. We knew she would resist going into a home and so my siblings recently suggested she get some home help. She refused and became angry and agitated and my siblings were devastated and at a loss at what to do next. I know someone will suggest social services but I gather they push back care needs onto the family – and my siblings absolutely cannot take this on. She makes poor judgements and forgets/denies things that have happened. I suspect dementia of some kind. What are our options? Could a privately arranged Psychologist assess her needs and have a careful conversation with her to discover her underlying objections? But we would not get her consent for such a referral. We all feel so desperate and at our wits end.
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