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Keeping Mum: The things we do for love

Keeping Mum blog Friends Reunited

I hate that moment in a conversation when you get to the โ€œSo, what do you do?โ€ question.ย  Partlyย imposter syndrome in my case,ย but alsoย because so many of us โ€œdoโ€ lots of things and the fact that you may be a qualified astronaut is only one aspect ofย your rich and busyย life.ย ย ย 

Hands up all those who would call themselves as a carer when asked that question?ย  You may be one but more likely youโ€™re a spouse, a daughter or a son juggling the astronaut thing with looking after others as well as everything else.ย ย And I would bet good money that very few of us would say weโ€™re a carer.ย  At a push,ย weย might mention that Mum or Dad needs more help these days which takes up a bit of timeโ€ฆ.ย ย 

Itโ€™sย National Carers Week next weekย and theย themeย this yearย isย โ€˜Make caring visible and valuedโ€™.ย ย Iย applaud the ambition.ย But,ย it also makesย meย sad as itโ€™s not particularly inspiring โ€“ certainly not a call to action or a demand for change.ย ย Which seems something of a wasted opportunity after the last 15 months where families have stepped in and stepped up in the most dramatic ways to protect and care for elderly relatives. ย 

The value of unpaid care in the UK โ€“ย i.e.ย that carried outย byย family members or friends/neighbours runs into the billionsย – ยฃ2.3 billion in 2020 according to Age UK.ย  People like you save the NHS and the Governmentย not just money, but also time and resources.ย  Often at great personalย costย to yourself and your family.ย 

Somehow,ย we need to shift the perception and with that the expectation of how we regard and support the millions of people who areย inย factย carers.ย  Who allย deserve so muchย more thanย visibility, or aย clap.ย ย 

Not identifying as a carer is the first step.ย  What constitutes care beyond what one might reasonably expect a family member or friend to do?ย  We need to untangle in our own minds andย cruciallyย the minds in Government the things we do for love and the things that need to be done.ย  And recognise that doing the shopping,ย washing Dadโ€™s hair,ย paying theย billsย or taking Mum to an appointment is both what you do for love, but it is also care, with a capital C.ย ย Andย itโ€™sย something to be proud of.ย ย 

Iโ€™mย not suggesting that every little taskย shouldย come with a price tag.ย  But only by recognising that you or a family member are aย carerย โ€“ or have caring responsibilities โ€“ can you start toย see theย implications, andย think about help or support.ย  This may be financial โ€“ such as carerโ€™sย allowance;ย  orย it could be practical such as respite care.ย ย Or the recognition itself might just be enough โ€“ giving permission toย actually beย aย carer.ย ย 

With an ageing workforce we need to equip employers to provide better and formal support for employees who have caring duties.ย  Itโ€™s slowly improving but stillย upย toย theย employer‘sย discretion regarding time off work or flexible working.ย ย ย 

There are 7 million UK adults providing unpaid care right now.ย  Today.ย  And tomorrow, and next week.ย  With very little support or help often.ย ย Butย thatโ€™sย 6.9999 million others โ€“ you are not alone.ย Such a powerful potential group.ย  We need to galvanise ourselves into action way beyond โ€œMaking caring visible and valuedโ€.ย  Time to embrace that question in a conversation andย sayย โ€œI am a carerโ€.ย ย ย 

Itโ€™sย about so much more than the things we do for love.ย 

Annabel James is the founder of Age Space.ย  Her continued love of 10CC – and her views – are her own.

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