Caring for an elderly parent or relative is challenging and, in times of pressure, it can be especially hard to know what your next move should be.
So, we’ve compiled our best tips to help you and your family navigate this tricky time, including how to plan ahead, create a family care plan and how to help your relatives live at home safely – and for longer.
1. Ask the right questions
Nobody wants to have ‘the’ care conversations with their relatives, but it’s better to have these difficult conversations while they are still healthy and able to tell you what they want.
Asking these three questions: “where do you want to live when you are old?”, ‘if you need care, what sort of care would you like or accept?” and ‘How will this be financed?”, will give you a clearer idea of where and how your parent or relative would ideally like to live in the future.
Read more about these care conversations to help you kick-start discussion with your family.
2. Know their medication
Get to know what medication your parents or relatives take, in what order and how often. Set up a repeat prescription and if it is physically easier, arrange for the prescription to be delivered to their home. Many online and local pharmacies, including Boots, offer this service.
It’s important to have all of their medication reviewed regularly and, if a new medication is prescribed, be sure to check with the doctor or pharmacist about potential side effects or possible interactions with current medications.
Buying a pill box organiser with compartments labelled with the days of the week, as well as morning and evening doses, can help make things clearer for your elderly relative. Some automatic pill dispensers also come with reminders and built-in safety features, plus there are also a number of elderly care apps which help to remind people to take medication.
3. Set up a Power of Attorney
Power of attorney is the legal process of giving a trusted person the authority to make decisions on behalf of another person, should they become unable to do so themselves.
For example, this might include a frail parent with dementia giving power of attorney to their children or advisers, if they are concerned that they may lose their mental capacity to make important decisions regarding things such as finances, health and property.
While this is not an easy thing to discuss, having this conversation can give you both you and your relative peace of mind about the future.
Our simple guide provides further information on the different types of power of attorney, how to set one up and what happens when there isn’t one.
4. Create a family care plan
Caring for an elderly parent can feel overwhelming, so it’s best to work as a team with other family members or people in your support network.
Building a family care plan to divide up responsibilities based on your individual strengths and influencing factors such as work, personal commitments and location is a great way to keep things more structured.
If one person is good with admin, let them make sure all the important documents are filed and passwords are recorded. If someone else is better with finances, they can lead the way on helping your parents with budget planning and bills.
Arranging a schedule can also help to make sure that your relatives have regular visits from different family members and that they have the necessary support for GP appointments, errands, shopping and cleaning. If you decide to hire a carer to help with some of these tasks, they will also need to be incorporated into these plans.
When visiting your relatives, check how well they are coping: does anything need fixing? Is the fridge stocked? Share any thoughts and observations with other family members and visitors, as you may see a pattern emerging that requires further attention.
5. Look into home adaptations
Helping your elderly relatives to live safely and independently at home can require a few adjustments, but the good news is that there are lots of cost effective options available.
Having the right technology can help you continue to care at a distance, with the knowledge that if something goes wrong, you’ll be the first to know. Plus, your elderly relatives can continue to feel independent, happy in the knowledge that there’s a safety net in place.
It’s a good idea to encourage relatives who might live alone or be unsteady on their feet to wear a personal alarm pendant, as these can be a life-saver in emergencies. This includes simple alarms, to GPS trackers and fall detectors. There are also a whole range of tech solutions to help keep parents safe at home, from doorbells to chair motion sensors.
Things such as a grab rail or a handy jar opener can make day-to-day tasks like cooking and showering much easier. Plus, it’s worth considering other modifications like ramps, stair lifts and wet rooms to help improve accessibility at home.
It’s important to make sure the lighting is bright enough and the thermostat is working properly in your relative’s home. Also look out for ways to de-clutter and remove trip hazards like small rugs in order to prevent falls at home.
6. Look into care options and funding
You may reach a point where you need to help your parents more by understanding their finances. Does this mean taking control of the finances or finding out how much they have available for care?; it could be either in this situation. These are not easy conversations to have, but they can make things a lot easier in the long run.
There are many different types of care, and these all have different financial implications. Most people want to remain living independently at home, so you might start with increased domestic support and buying some useful aids and adaptations. This could include home monitoring technology, such as a personal fall alarm or movement sensors.
As physical and mental needs increase, you might then need to think about home care support (such as live-in care), assisted living or care facilities. All of this can come at a cost and we recommend talking to a specialist financial advisor – such as a member of The Society of Later Life Advisers (SOLLA) – to help support you with this.
A good starting-point for financial decisions is getting a care assessment from your local authority. This helps to determine what care may be needed, and what funding may be available.
7. Encourage them to keep social and active
Keeping active and busy in old age can become quite a challenge, particularly with decreased mobility, declining health or the loss of a partner. This can be hard to witness if someone has always been active and healthy, and can also be a sign they are struggling at home.
Our local Age Space hubs provide a great way of finding out what’s happening in your area, from accessible family days out ideas to local lunch clubs for the elderly.
Recent news that driving for over-70s will be dependent on compulsory eye tests from this autumn could also mean your loved ones are less active. If you are worried about your elderly relatives driving, it’s really important to broach this topic with them, even though it can be difficult. Our guide on renewing a driving license at 70 shares some useful tips for having this conversation.
8. Check in with people who are caring
If one of your parents is caring for the other, it’s easy to focus on the one that needs obvious support, especially if the other parent does not like to ask for help.
Check in regularly and try to encourage them to maintain some of their own interests in order to gain some separation from life at home.
If you or another family member doesn’t live nearby and you can’t have these discussions in person, you could consider a form of video calling technology. There are a range of options specifically designed for older people, so this is a great way to help you all stay connected – from across the country or even further afield.
Look out for changes in mood or behaviour. Are your relatives acting differently? Do they seem more stressed or down than usual? Spotting signs that someone is overwhelmed by their caring responsibilities is crucial for ensuring that they get the support they need.
9. Look after yourself
If you are a carer yourself, you need to remain healthy in order to take care of anyone else. Family carers have been found to suffer from stress, anxiety, depression and musculoskeletal disorders, so it’s important to make sure you are looking after yourself just as much as the person you are caring for.
As well as dividing responsibilities between you and other members of your support network, it is important that you are able to take time away from caring responsibilities.
Leaning on your support network for help or considering a live-in or daytime carer are both options to consider to ensure you are getting the space and time you need.
Our top tips for looking after yourself as a carer and respite care suggestions will help you when planning a well earned break from your responsibilities.
10. Prepare for an emergency
Emergency hospital admissions are by their nature stressful, but there are a few useful things you can do to prepare in case your relatives find themselves on their way to A&E.
Make sure you have an up-to-date list of your relative’s medication (particularly blood thinners such as Warfarin), a list of useful contact details such as the local GP, and a copy of their power of attorney.
You can read our full guide to medical emergencies for more helpful advice.
Arranging things such as a spare set of keys to your relative’s house or agreeing who will be the next of kin can help you act quickly in an emergency situation.
Emergency hospital admissions are by their nature stressful, particularly in the middle of the night with blue lights flashing etc.
There are a few useful things you can do to prepare in case your parents or relatives find themselves on their way to A&E in an emergency. Make sure there is an uptodate list of medication (particularly blood thinners such as Warfarin); a list of useful contact details such as the GP, and a copy of their Power of Attorney as this will contain important information about their medical wishes.
Our guide to medical emergencies includes more useful advice.
