It can be difficult to tell if your parents or relatives are coping as well as they used to. No one wants to admit that everyday activities are becoming a struggle or that things have changed for the worse. Unfortunately, quality of life can change surprisingly quickly – and the sooner you spot the signs that your parents might need a bit more help, the better.
With that in mind, we’ve pulled together some key questions to ask yourself that will help you work out if your loved ones could use a little extra support at home – and what steps to take next if they do.
1. Are things different at home?
Are you spotting changes around the home that are out of character? Perhaps the post is piling up, the laundry basket is overflowing, or the usually spotless kitchen is looking a bit neglected. Take a moment to look around their house… there could be small clues that your parents aren’t managing to keep on top of things as well as they once were.
We may all have found something lurking at the back of the fridge that is past its best, but bare shelves and out of date food in the fridge could be a cause for concern. Check that food is fresh and that there are enough supplies to suggest that regular meals are being eaten.
If you are concerned about any changes at home, you could put together a family care plan to divide responsibilities between relatives. Or consider bringing in a bit of extra support: a regular cleaner or a home care service will take the pressure off you and your parents.
To guarantee that your loved one always has food in the house, why not organise a regular online supermarket delivery for them? Alternatively, signing them up for a pre-prepared meal delivery service like the ones offered by Wiltshire Farm Foods, Cook or FieldGoods, will help you to ensure they always have tasty and balanced meals on hand to heat up, without the need to cook from scratch.
2. Are there changes in their appearance?
If your ever-immaculate mum is suddenly appearing a little dishevelled, it might be time to gently check in with her. Personal appearance is often the last thing to go, so you’ll notice when it does.
They might feel too embarrassed to discuss personal hygiene, so be sensitive if you bring it up. If reduced mobility is making it harder to bathe or get dressed, you could try suggesting practical solutions to personal problems, such as grab rails or a shower stool in the bath.
There are a few ways in which you can modify your relative's home to make it safer. Find out more in our guide to adapting the home to avoid falls.
3. Are the bills being paid?
Unopened letters, reminder notices or a change in spending habits can all point to difficulty keeping up with finances. The cost of living may be weighing on their minds, particularly as the weather gets colder and bills increase.
If you’re worried their personal finances are being neglected, it’s a good idea to try and talk to your parents. Offer your own help or suggest contacting a solicitor or financial advisor.
This may be a good opportunity to talk about power of attorney which enables someone they trust to take responsibility for finances and health decisions when they are no longer able to. It’s also important to check that your parents are claiming all the benefits that they are entitled to.
For help with paying household bills, check whether they are eligible for the Government’s Warm House Discount Scheme (a one-off £150 payment) or Winter Fuel Payment Scheme (an annual tax-free payment of £200 or £300). Your parents may also be entitled to a Council Tax Reduction, Attendance Allowance or Pension Credit.
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4. Is a health condition affecting their day-to-day life?
A new diagnosis, such as arthritis, can quietly change someone’s routine. It can be a seemingly innocuous comment like, “Even making the bed in the morning seems more difficult”. While this may not sound like a big thing on its own, it can be a sign of decreasing mobility and dexterity for someone who had made their own bed every day for decades.
We’re all good at making small adjustments to take into account a physical ailment, but these can quickly build up into quite a different daily routine. Investing in home tech or adaptations can help make living independently at home much easier for your parents.
If you find piles of untouched tablets, or they say they’ve forgotten doses, it might also be time to look at new ways to make their medication easier to manage.
Dosette boxes – pillbox organisers – are a good place to start for daily medication that has become overwhelming. There are also apps and automatic pill dispensers that can give reminders, or release the correct dose at the right time. It may also be a good time to request a medication review with the GP to see if all the medication is still required.
If a medical condition is making your relative's life more difficult, it might be worth discussing employing a specialist carer at home. Our Home Care Finder will let you search for home care services near you. Learn more about hiring a carer.
5. Are they able to get out and about?
Still walking to the shops? Taking the bus? Or has leaving the house become rare?
A shrinking social circle isn’t always about choice. Mobility changes, health issues or simply the loss of old friends can make it hard to get out.
If your parents are spending more time alone, encourage little outings – even short ones – or explore local activities. Our local hubs are full of ideas for days out and community events.
Driving can also be a difficult subject to broach, but if you’ve noticed knocks on the car or more hesitance on the road, it might be worth talking about.
Our helpful guide on renewing a driving licence at 70 covers all of the rules – and we also share tips on how to have “the driving conversation” and prepare someone for losing their licence with kindness.
6. Is the home still safe?
Have you noticed small burns from cooking, a cold house or unused rooms? These could be signs of safety worries – perhaps for fear of falling, or difficulty moving around as well as they used to. With the cost of living crisis ongoing and an increase in bill costs over the winter months, your parents may be finding it harder than ever to heat their house.
Cold temperatures can have a negative effect on health, particularly for those with long-term health conditions, so it’s important to keep an eye on. Read our top tips for helping your loved ones to stay warm and well in the winter months.
Personal alarms can be a great way to keep your parents independent while giving the family more reassurance that they are safe and well. They are best when the wearer is used to wearing them all the time so introducing them early can be a good idea.
A home safety assessment can highlight potential risks and quick fixes. Our guide on making the home safer has plenty of ideas to help you get started,
